A few nights ago, I was eating dinner with Michelle and Alle when I went to the restroom. As I opened the door, I inadvertently hit another woman with it. Not hard, mind you. But she reacted as if I'd punched her in the face. Below is a recap of what went down in the bathroom, blow by blow......
(door swings open...I mean really, how hard can you open a door?)
Woman I Hit: OW! Oh s***! Oh ******! You hit me! G** D*** it! This is terrible!! (On and on)
Me: I am so sorry! Are you alright? I didn't see you standing there!
(Meanwhile WIH continues to scream. I am frantically looking around when my eyes land on Drunk Woman.)
Drunk Woman: (as you read this, read it in the same redneck dialect that the character Joy uses in My Name Is Earl....seriously) Oh s***! You're (ex-boyfriends name here) ex-girlfriend! Oh s***! Hey gurl!
(WIH still moaning and is now propping herself up against the wall.)
Me: Yes. Hi. How are you? It's been a while!
DW: (to her friend) Oh s*** gurl! This is ____'s ex-girlfriend! Remember him!? I work with him! Dang! What a small world!
(Now a stall has become available)
Me: (to WIH) Are you waiting? Would you like to use this bathroom?
WIH: Hail no!! I can't even stand up without the wall against my back! I am STILL trying to recover!
(Okay, at this point in time I am thinking these two women are crazy as hell. So I walk into the stall and they go into the the handicapped stall together...right beside me. I guess I handicapped her. This next part is what I overheard.)
DW: Dang girl! That is ___________'s ex-girlfriend. Remember his momma? That's her son's ex-girlfriend!
(I'd like to point out how profound a statement that was on DW's behalf.)
WIH: @^%*!! My #&*&ing back! Ow!! I can't walk!
(Yeah right.)
DW: Oh my gaw! I can't believe that's _______'s ex-girlfriend! She's real sweet! She didn't mean to hit you with the door! She's ______' ex-girlfriend. She didn't mean to hit you!
WIH is still moaning in the bathroom and DW is still going on and on about how I am so and so's ex-girlfiend. At this point, I left the bathroom!
Saturday, June 7, 2008
A conversation in a bathroom.....
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6 comments:
How freaking funny! Oh my stars. I am still laughing. They sound real classy. I clicked on your link from The O'Neals. Thanks for the laugh!
What kind of establishment did you guys dine in? WIH and DW like classy ladies.
With regard to no AC, ours malfunctions regularly and our weather never changes....low of 77, high of 88, chance of rain, and humid!
Sketchy...
I finally did the "tagged" post. It took me awhile and I was out of town.
Where were y'all? Let me guess, Jakes.
OH MY GOSH! This is HILARITY at it's finest!!!
oh my gosh, i'm cracking up right now!!! so sorry you had to deal with that craziness but at least it made for good blogging! :)
I'm a little behind on the blog-reading, but I finally got a morning alone...everyone else is still sleeping...I digress...this is HILARIOUS!!!!! I have tears in my eyes!!!
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