Why I Don't Go Out On School Nights...

or Always Be Prepared
or Remind Alston To Turn Off The Headlights

I can't decide what to title this. Here's why...

I should preface this story with the fact that my car is back in the shop (yes, back in the shop) because the AC (yes, the AC...if it is working in the house, it isn't working in the car and vice versa) in my car isn't working. Instead of taking it to the dealership where the people are sweet, I'm always provided with a shiny new 2008 car to drive around in, and where I always have to pay way too much money and promise them my first born child, I took my car to a friend of my dads who works on cars and is extremely affordable. However, this means that I have to drive my dad's old Ford F-150. In this truck, even the running boards are too high for me. The truck is huge. Point being, I was driving the truck. Was being the operative word. Currently I drive nothing.

LB (little brother, for those who don't know the lingo) turned the big 2-1 yesterday! Happy Birthday, Ben!!!

The entire family plus some goes to our favorite sushi restaurant for dinner. Then, the entire family, for the first time in the history of our family, went to a bar for some celebratory libations. Mom and Dad went home and we headed to our next stop. Alston drove the truck.

Well, the night begins with Alston parking the truck in a bank parking lot near where we were headed. This is where we are introduced to Donnie. Donnie is a self-appointed, self-hired, works-for-tips parking lot attendent, if you are following me. Basically, he scared up a neon orange reflective vest and a broken Mag light from somewhere and he directs cars into parking places. He's been at it for 8 months. Apparently it is lucrative. I am considering a career change.

Well, we allow Donnie to guide us into a parking spot which happens to be right in the drive through of the bank. We thank Donnie and head up to meet everyone else. LB had quite a turn out. Lots of friends came to celebrate. It was nice. Except that I had to get up this morning because I am participating in the Midlands Writing Project (more on that in a later post). I knew there was no way I'd make it through the day tired and feeling a little ill.

Just before midnight, I decided that it was the perfect time for me to head home. Alston agrees to walk with me if I bring her back to the bar. So we set out. And as we round the corner.....horror of all horrors.....the headlights are still on! She forgot to turn them off!

I know. And you're right. It isn't a big deal. We jump the truck off and I head home. I get home maybe 20 minutes later than I planned, and no one is any worse off. Except, obviously that isn't the way it worked out.

Donnie immediately comes up to us. Read this with a country accent and some seriously slurred speech that got progressively more slurred! (Some might say Donnie was from Barnwell!!)

"I been tryin' to find yawl. I thought you two done walked thataway." (He points in the WRONG direction, of course.)

"No, but it's okay. We went up there." (I point.) "But it's okay. We'll get it."

Donnie insists on helping. My dad is Always Prepared. Isn't that the Boy Scout motto? What's the Girl Scout motto? Always Be Prepared should be everyone's motto.

So anyway, this means that my dad had the back seat of his truck filled with jumper cables and lots of those little bungee cords that you use to tie things down with. I should have tied Donnie down.

Well, Brad pulls his car up and two of LB's friends help us hook the cars up to recharge the battery. Donnie insists on double checking everyone's work and sparks are flying. Great.

We get the truck jumped off and started back up and I think "Ah, just as I thought. Now I will be on my way home." But obviously, that isn't what happened.

The truck died. And it died again and it died again. Each time we jumped it off, it would sit there and run and we'd give it gas and it would die again. Long story short (ha ha, I know...too late) there wasn't anyway I was going to be able to make it the 10 minute drive home. Gulp. You know what this means. Time to call AAA. Again, my dad is Always Prepared. I had the card he'd given me in my wallet. So I call............the tow truck should be there by at least 1:44 AM.

At this point I am about to cry. It is now 12:44 (on the dot...they have one hour to get there) and I have resolved myself to the fact that I am going to be tired at the Midlands Writing Project in the morning. Little did I know.

Little did I know that at 1:43 (it felt like that at least!) the driver of the tow truck calls to tell me that his truck had a flat tire and he had to change it and was now on his way. To me this translates into "Ma'am, I'm sorry. I'm the driver on call tonight, and I was obviously asleep at 1:30 in the morning so I am moving a little slow tonight. But I am on my way I should be there around 2:00."

I would have said "Sir, thank you for your honesty and hurry the hell up and get me out of this bank parking lot and away from Donnie!"

Because Donnie has proceeded to tell me AGAIN that he'd gone off looking for Alston and I to tell us we'd left the lights on, and that he's been working in the parking lot for 8 months, and he's good people, really he is, and he's been here for 8 months, and no one pays him and his only income is the tips and "This here's my office. I keep my food right here and stand here when it rains" and he was talking about the doorway. And did I mention that he'd been there for 8 months and he's good people? Because he did not want us to forget that part. Meanwhile, Alston and Donnie are BFF 4 Eva. She talked to him because Brad and I were sleeping in the bed of the truck.

Okay, so the tow truck guy pulls up and , needless to say, no keys to the truck. One of Ben's friends who'd stopped to help had inadvertantly PUT THEM IN HIS POCKET! I am really almost in tears at this point. But my dad is Always Prepared and he had a special secret hidden spare key, so we were able to get in the truck.

The tow truck guy appears, and with some help (?) from Donnie, the driver puts the truck on the back of his truck and we are finally on our way! What a disaster. I finally bedded down at 2 :30 AM!!! 7:00 came very early. It is way past bed time now.