Confession

I've been debating whether or not I should confess this on my blog for some time now. And after much debate, I've decided to come clean. This is hard for me, but here goes....

I have a crush on a married man. And he has two kids.

I know. It's horrible, isn't it? But no matter what I do, I can not seem to move past my crush. And I have tried! In fact I thought I had it licked...until....

I feel as if I should back up and start at the beginning of the story......

In 2008, (a long time ago, right?) I met this guy. He came and spoke to one of my classes. Somehow, I got through it. I never forgave the woman, though, who set it up for not warning me that he was going to be so incredibly good looking. I'm talking smoking hot. In true single style, I checked his finger, and much to my delight, no ring. Wondering where the married with two kids comes in? Give me a minute.

If you've been reading for a while, you know I tend to be a little transparent. So it was pretty obvious to my students that I was completely in awe of this guy when he was speaking to my class. So, they proceeded to tease me for a long time about it. For the remainder of the school year, students would come in telling me he'd asked when I was going to invite him back to speak in the class. As with many things in life, I should have known this was too good to be true. A few days later, I was talking with the girl who'd set it up. I gave her a hard time for not warning me about him being so hot, and she laughed and agreed. Then she dropped the bomb -

"Yeah, and his kids are precious."

What? That cut me deep...real deep.

I saw him a few more times that year, my face turning beet red every time, because he spends a lot of time on my campus.

And then....

I saw him last week. We made eye contact, but I didn't talk to him. And I thought to myself "Hmm. I was wrong. He's not as cute as I remember." I even came back to my room and emailed my good friend and go-to girl, Meredith, and told her what I'd decided. It was nice to finally know I was moving on.

And then....

I saw him today in the guidance office. And, boy, oh boy, was I sorely mistaken. He's every bit as good looking as I remembered. I rounded the corner and there he was. He smiled and said hey. I swooned, had to catch myself on the back of a nearby chair, regained my composure, smiled back and said hello as coolly and confidently as possible and sauntered out the door.

The best part....just before I'd gone down, I'd actually brushed my hair and reapplied my lipstick. God was sending me a sign, my friends, sending me a sign.

Prior to this, a student of mine had told me that she'd seen him and he'd asked about me. I do not believe her, but it is sure fun to daydream about.

I will continue to hold out hope until
1. he starts wearing his ring or
2. he shows me a picture of his kids

Then I will probably lay down and die. Kidding.

Ah, well. Married with kids. On to the next.

By the way, don't think I'm some scadalous person! I promise! I'm kidding about having a crush on him. I really am. But boy he is good looking!